Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
