I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
