pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize