Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
