No more Irish car bombs ever.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize