I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize