There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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