Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
