I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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