Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
