Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Still dying that you shit outside
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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