so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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