we're chasing vodka with high fives
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
