just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
