Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
