And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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