I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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