I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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