Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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