Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
