i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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