i don't like sucking hair
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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