well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
