i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
