So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
