I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
