dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
