oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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