I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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