if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
