I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
