So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
