im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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