i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FUCK WHALES
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
