I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize