can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize