ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
