I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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