The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
