We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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