so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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