she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
