He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
