I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
