Sponge bath it is.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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