After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
