I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
