You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
