that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
