Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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