just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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