Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
