I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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