if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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