There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
