you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
