scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
