the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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