my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
