I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
