Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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