I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
