I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
