did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
