Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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