my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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