I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
