I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
