I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
